MY ASEXUAL LIFE AT THE BLACK PARTY.
This post is dedicated to Michael Fesco. He threw the first Black Party at Flamingo in 1975, originated the Tea Dance, and paved the way in NYC queer nightlife and gay culture.
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The Black Party.
It's the original and the only. It blends theatre, debauchery, sex and celebration into 18 hours of pure ecstasy. Its name and reputation are legend worldwide. No matter the varying opinions of this annual tradition, any true reveler must respect this institution for what it represents in our community's history, and especially those that carry the mantle.
The production company responsible, Saint At Large, is the offshoot organization of the iconic NYC club, The Saint, which defined an era of gay nightlife from 1980-88. When its doors closed, the spirit of the club was carried on via parties produced under the name Saint At Large. Because of their perseverance and dedication, you and I continue to enjoy what was started in the 70's. So I say thank you to everyone that has put in the work, love, sweat, and tears so that we can continue the dance, especially for those that can't join us on the dance floor.
Now I'm at a particular place with myself that's quite interesting - the asexual age of Daisy. I don't find myself driven by sexual motivation in a way that my peers do. And in a hyper-sexual place like NYC, that may be seen as off putting - at least I feel that way sometimes. I mean there was a time when I could be found at the monthly sexcapades of High N Tight at EasternBloc, cruising American Whorer Party in Park Slope, or on my “Summer of Love tour” in 2017. But now I just don't generally find myself engaging in this way with people, minus the rare occasion someone really just pops my lid and then all bets are off.
But this puts me in a unique position that gives me an entirely different perspective on parties. Without the aspect of looking to hookup, it frees you from a lot of barriers that you have to put up. I can wear and behave however I want, and focus on the music, production and experience of others. When you don't think with your dick first, it's a whole new world honey!
For the past two years though, I have come to The Black Party with the intention to be more sexually open. I have not bottomed for anyone since Fire Island at the end of summer 2017 - the final finish of that Summer of Love tour! Yes, Daisy is generally a top. A femme top. A blouse, if you will. But for BP 2018, I decided I would come prepared to change that. But after a beautiful bacchanal in Brooklyn, I walked out the doors at 2pm, looked at my friends, and exclaimed, "Dammit! I didn't get fucked!”
I was told I obviously was too into my lewk, and I suppose a black cop tutu and heels isn’t going to generate too many suitors in that crowd. But Saint At Large requests Heavy Dress, and I do my best to deliver my version of that. So for this year, I once again prepared for a grand reopening of the park in the back of Daisyland. I even planned outfits without heels and slightly more masculine feels.
A friend did grab my ass at the end of the party, and I gladly thanked him for it. But again I left The Black Party without nary a tap of the tip. Who are we select few that can say we've been to, but never been fucked at The Black Party? We are a clandestine society of spinsters, and we appreciate those that can do what we cannot.
In my previous post, I discussed finding your light, and that I would be coming to this year's Black Party to do just that so I could come into Spring renewed. Though I didn't get my rocks off, I did have a defining moment of the night that left me in tears, because it brought to life that catharsis I was hoping to achieve.
After the final scene of Caligula's Last Party, ending in a blood orgy of course, the mood took a significant, glorious shift. At 8am, the goddess Iman Le Caire took the stage as Mike Servito claimed reign of the DJ booth. Instantly, the heavy sexual energy began to lift, and with it the disco ball rose from the center of the crowd, uniting us on the dance floor as it has done for decades. Some of NYC's nightlife lovers, including CT Hedden and Michael Snipe, Jr. began to join Iman, inviting us all to shift with them into a celebration of love, community and dance. Nothing could have better personified how I felt coming to Rites XL ready to leave my depression and self-deprecation behind me. I looked around the room to see so many of your faces lighting up, and I thanked the universe for putting me in this place to be with everyone there.
But more importantly, I finally fully appreciated something that I learned the hard way a year ago. I left Cherry DC last year in tears – a long, lonely ride home with the heartbreaking realization that there was probably only room in my life for David and Daisy, not so much another person. For the past year, I've had a very hard time with that, because I am ultimately someone that wants to engage with another person emotionally. That is the root of my asexuality – I find it hard to be sexual with someone when we aren’t connected on a higher level.
After that moment under the disco ball this year though, I came to realize that having room in my life only for David and Daisy is all I need right now, and is what's most important. When I come to the place where I truly know myself, have fully harnessed my light, and am happy with the path I'm on, the universe will make a way for me to find what's next. One of these days, we're all going to finally REALLY get what Rupaul has been saying all these years.
“If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love anyone else?"
So I didn't get dicked down again at The Black Party. Two years running. Two! Three if you count 2017, but I was working my SCRUFF booth and serving fuckin Dippin Dots for the kids so we're not gonna count that.
But I exited the doors of Rites XL with something I needed much more - myself. Surrounded by friends, fully exorcised of my demons, and ready to push forward.
Again, thank you to Saint At Large and all its supporters that make this event possible. Others may paint an entirely different picture of this event, but mine is one at 8am, smiling ear to ear, watching the disco ball rise above our community and sharing its light so that we may follow.
That's my Black Party.
David X Daisy
PS - AIDS Walk NY is May 19th! Please consider making a donation via my fundraising page. I will be walking and would appreciate your support. Thank you!